邮件

Dear Mike,

How is everything with you? I am writing to share you that my favorite job is teaching.There are reasons as follows.

There are mainly three reasons for my choices .On the one hand,  teacher have many holidays and do not have to overtime ,I can enjoy much freedom. On the other hand, as a teacher, I can spend more time with my family and friends, Last but not least, It helps me realize my self-worth. In a word,Being a teacher has many advantages,my favorite job is teaching.

I look forward to hearing from you

Best regards

Your

Li Ken

Thank you for your submission. Here is the evaluation based on the provided scoring principles and standards:

### Score: 19-24 (Second Tier)

The essay completes the task by expressing the main idea that the writer's favorite job is teaching. It clearly mentions key points related to the reasons behind this choice, such as holidays, personal freedom, time with family, and self-worth realization. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and improper structuring that slightly hinder clarity.

### Errors and Corrections:

1. **Title/Heading:** The title "邮件" might have been left untranslated. It could be more appropriate as "Email."

2. **Incomplete Greeting:** The greeting should include a comma after "Dear Mike," for clarity.

3. **Phrasing Error ("share you that"):**
   - Original: "I am writing to share you that my favorite job is teaching."
   - Correction: "I am writing to share with you that my favorite job is teaching."

4. **Sentence Structure:**
   - Original: "There are reasons as follows.There are mainly three reasons for my choices ."
   - Correction: "Here are the reasons why I made this choice: there are mainly three."

5. **Subject-Verb Agreement:**
   - Original: "teacher have many holidays and do not have to overtime"
   - Correction: "teachers have many holidays and do not have to work overtime."

6. **Sentence Connection:** Consider using a clearer conjunction to tie sentences together.
   - Original: "I can enjoy much freedom. On the other hand, as a teacher, I can spend more time with my family and friends, Last but not least..."
   - Correction: "This allows me to enjoy much freedom. Additionally, as a teacher, I can spend more time with my family and friends. Last but not least..."

7. **Capitalization Error:**
   - Original: "Last but not least, It helps me realize my self-worth."
   - Correction: "Last but not least, it helps me realize my self-worth."

8. **Formatting Issues:**
   - Original: "In a word,Being a teacher has many advantages,my favorite job is teaching."
   - Correction: "In a word, being a teacher has many advantages, which is why it is my favorite job."

9. **Closing Structure:**
   - Original: "I look forward to hearing from youBest regardsYourLi Ken"
   - Correction: "I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Li Ken"

Overall, although the errors are minor, they slightly affect the overall coherence and fluency of the email.

陶果果 发表于 2024-10-27 12:17
Thank you for your submission. Here is the evaluation based on the provided scoring principles and s ...

可以中文点评吗

莫无言 发表于 2024-10-27 12:17
可以中文点评吗

当然可以。以下是对作文的中文点评：

### 评分：19-24分（第二档）

这篇作文完成了规定的任务，清楚地表达了作者最喜欢的职业是教师，并给出了几个主要原因，比如假期多、自由度高、能陪伴家人以及实现自我价值。不过，文章中存在一些语法错误和结构上的不当之处，这些小问题在一定程度上影响了理解。

### 错误及修改建议：

1. **标题：** 标题“邮件”可能是未翻译的，应更合适地改为“Email”或“Subject”。

2. **称呼部分：** 称呼后缺少逗号。
   - 原文："Dear Mike,How is everything with you?"
   - 修改："Dear Mike, How is everything with you?"

3. **短语使用错误：**
   - 原文："I am writing to share you that my favorite job is teaching."
   - 修改："I am writing to share with you that my favorite job is teaching."

4. **句子结构：**
   - 原文："There are reasons as follows.There are mainly three reasons for my choices ."
   - 修改："Here are the reasons why I made this choice: there are mainly three."

5. **主谓一致问题：**
   - 原文："teacher have many holidays and do not have to overtime"
   - 修改："teachers have many holidays and do not have to work overtime."

6. **句子连接：** 使用更清晰的连接词来衔接段落内容。
   - 原文："I can enjoy much freedom. On the other hand, as a teacher, I can spend more time with my family and friends, Last but not least..."
   - 修改："This allows me to enjoy much freedom. Additionally, as a teacher, I can spend more time with my family and friends. Last but not least..."

7. **大写错误：**
   - 原文："Last but not least, It helps me realize my self-worth."
   - 修改："Last but not least, it helps me realize my self-worth."

8. **格式问题：**
   - 原文："In a word,Being a teacher has many advantages,my favorite job is teaching."
   - 修改："In a word, being a teacher has many advantages, which is why it is my favorite job."

9. **结尾部分格式：**
   - 原文："I look forward to hearing from youBest regardsYourLi Ken"
   - 修改："I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Li Ken"

总的来说，虽然这些错误较小，但它们在一定程度上影响了文章的整体连贯性和流畅性。希望这些建议对你有所帮助！