mobile shou

mobile shou is very importang in our lives，also is very popular and trendy，we can‘tlife without mobile，i very like mobile，here are the reasons：first of all various mobile programs help we to get know the world，in addition，mobile can make we happy and help me with my studies，last bot not least，mobile  payments can save we like a lot troudle。 as aresult，as far as i am concerned mobile ensiches my social life ，i can make many friends with people all walks of life i like mobile shou

评分：第4档 7-12分

点评：
这篇作文未能清楚地表达全部内容要点，语法结构和词汇比较单调且多次出现重复错误。尽管有些句子表达了基本意思，但语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解。

语法错误及修改建议：

1. "mobile shou" 应为 "mobile phone"
   修改：Mobile phone

2. "importang" 应为 "important"
   修改：important

3. "we can‘tlife without mobile" 缺乏空格，并且应该是第一人称复数 "we" 而不是 "I"，同时语法错误。
   修改：we can't live without mobile phones

4. "i very like mobile" 应为 "I like mobile phones very much"
   修改：I like mobile phones very much

5. "help we to get know the world" 应为 "help us get to know the world"
   修改：help us get to know the world

6. "make we happy and help me with my studies" 中的 "we" 和 "me" 应一致使用同一主语形式
   修改：make us happy and help with our studies

7. "last bot not least" 应为 "last but not least"
   修改：last but not least

8. "save we like a lot troudle" 应为 "save us a lot of trouble"
   修改：save us a lot of trouble

9. "as aresult" 应为 "As a result"
   修改：As a result

10. "ensiches" 应为 "enriches"
    修改：enriches

11. "with people all walks of life" 应为 "with people from all walks of life"
    修改：with people from all walks of life

最终修改后的文本：
Mobile phone is very important in our lives and is also very popular and trendy. We can't live without mobile phones. I like mobile phones very much. Here are the reasons: first of all, various mobile applications help us get to know the world. In addition, mobile phones can make us happy and help with our studies. Last but not least, mobile payments can save us a lot of trouble. As a result, as far as I am concerned, mobile phones enrich my social life, and I can make many friends with people from all walks of life. I like mobile phones.