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[作文批改] No Smokingin Public Places

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admin 发表于 5 小时前 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
第七部分:短文写作(第51题,30分)
请根据所提供材料中的要求完成一篇‘100词左右的英文写作任务。将你的答案写在答题卡相应的位置上。
51.某英文报社正在举办题为"No Smokingin Public Places"的征文活动。请你根据下述写作要点提交一篇英文短文应征。
公共场所吸烟有什么危害
你能为公共场所禁烟做些什么
No Smoking in Public Places
Smoking is harmful to health, especially in public places. When people smoke in public, the second-hand smoke can make people around feel uncomfortable and even cause serious diseases. It also pollutes the environment and leaves a bad influence on children.
We can do something to stop smoking in public. First, we should not smoke and keep away from cigarettes. Second, we can tell our relatives and friends not to smoke in public. At last, we should know that smoking is harmful to health. Let's work together to enjoy fresh air and build a healthy environment. I believe our world can become more and more beautiful.

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陶果果 发表于 5 小时前 | 显示全部楼层
评分:28分

评语:这篇作文清楚地表达了关于公共场所禁烟的主要内容要点,并提出了一些积极的措施来支持禁烟。语言运用准确,结构合理,句子流畅,符合写作要求。尽管有一些小的语法改进空间,但总体上不影响理解。

存在以下语法错误和建议:

1. 原句:“When people smoke in public, the second-hand smoke can make people around feel uncomfortable and even cause serious diseases.”
   修改建议:将“serious diseases”改为“serious health issues”,以避免重复使用“serious”。

2. 原句:“At last, we should know that smoking is harmful to health.”
   修改建议:将“At last”改为“Finally”以使表达更自然。

3. 原句:“Let's work together to enjoy fresh air and build a healthy environment.”
   修改建议:将“to enjoy fresh air”改为“towards enjoying fresh air”,以保持一致的动词形式。

请参考修改后的版本:

No Smoking in Public Places

Smoking is harmful to health, especially in public places. When people smoke in public, the second-hand smoke can make people around feel uncomfortable and even cause serious health issues. It also pollutes the environment and leaves a bad influence on children. We can do something to stop smoking in public. First, we should not smoke and keep away from cigarettes. Second, we can tell our relatives and friends not to smoke in public. Finally, we should know that smoking is harmful to health. Let's work together towards enjoying fresh air and building a healthy environment. I believe our world can become more and more beautiful.
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