作文批改

With the rapid growth of the national economy,Online Shopping has become more andmore important in our daily life, because many people think Online shopping is more convenient .However, views on that may difer from one to anotherFaced with it, different people have different views. On the one hand, some people hold the viewthat shopping in market is more meaningful. On the other hand, other people hold the view that Online Shopping aremore enjoyable.
As far as l am concerned, l agree with the view that Online Shopping is more meaningful. However, weshould consider the other side of the coin. Surely, shopping in market is indeed more enjoyable

This essay falls into the **third档 (13-18分)**. Here's the analysis and the suggested improvements:

**Content and Structure:**
1. The essay generally addresses the topic, comparing online shopping and traditional shopping.
2. Two perspectives are provided, but there's a lack of detailed explanation or examples to support these views.
3. The conclusion is too brief and somewhat contradictory, as it switches opinions without clear reasoning.

**Language Use:**
1. **Grammar and Sentence Structure Errors:**
   - "andmore important" should be "and more important".
   - "views on that may difer from one to anotherFaced with it" should be "views on that may differ from one person to another. Faced with it".
   - "Online Shopping aremore enjoyable" should be "Online Shopping is more enjoyable" (subject-verb agreement).
   - "As far as l am concerned, l agree" should be "As far as I am concerned, I agree" (capitalization error in 'I').

2. **Repetitive Phrasing and Lack of Variation:**
   - The phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used, but not effectively, as they introduce similar ideas without contrast.
   - The repetition of "more meaningful" and "more enjoyable" without explaining why diminishes the impact.

3. **Suggestions for Improvement:**
   - Offer examples or reasons for why online shopping might be considered more meaningful or convenient.
   - Explain why shopping in the market could be seen as enjoyable or meaningful, providing specific details.
   - Transition between ideas clearly, making sure personal opinions are logically connected to the arguments presented.

**Revised Version:**

With the rapid growth of the national economy, online shopping has become increasingly important in our daily lives because many people find it more convenient. However, opinions on this matter can vary widely. On one hand, some people believe that shopping in physical markets is more meaningful due to the social interactions and sensory experiences it offers. On the other hand, others find online shopping more enjoyable because it provides a vast variety of choices and saves time.

In my opinion, online shopping is indeed more meaningful for its convenience and time efficiency. Nevertheless, we should not overlook the advantages of traditional shopping. Surely, shopping in markets offers unique experiences, such as directly interacting with products and people, which can be quite enjoyable.

This revised version aims to improve coherence and provide a clearer argument, while addressing grammar and structure errors. With these modifications, the piece could score in the second档 (19-24分) category.

中文

admin 发表于 2025-10-24 15:55
中文

这篇作文属于**第三档 (13-18分)**。以下是分析及建议的改进：

**内容和结构：**
1. 作文大致上讨论了在线购物与传统购物的主题。
2. 提供了两个观点，但缺乏详细的解释或例子来支持这些观点。
3. 结论过于简短且有些矛盾，因为在没有明确理由的情况下切换了观点。

**语言运用：**
1. **语法和句子结构错误：**
   - "andmore important" 应为 "and more important"。
   - "views on that may difer from one to anotherFaced with it" 应为 "views on that may differ from one person to another. Faced with it"。
   - "Online Shopping aremore enjoyable" 应为 "Online Shopping is more enjoyable"（主谓一致问题）。
   - "As far as l am concerned, l agree" 应为 "As far as I am concerned, I agree"（'I'的大写错误）。

2. **重复措辞和缺乏变化：**
   - 使用了 "On the one hand" 和 "On the other hand" 这样的短语，但没有有效地进行对比。
   - 多次重复使用 "more meaningful" 和 "more enjoyable"，但没有解释原因，降低了表达的效果。

3. **改进建议：**
   - 提供在线购物为何被认为更有意义或方便的例子或原因。
   - 解释为什么在市场购物会被视为愉悦或有意义，提供具体细节。
   - 清楚地在观点之间转换，确保个人意见与提出的论点逻辑上是连贯的。

**修改版本：**

随着国家经济的快速增长，在线购物在我们的日常生活中变得越来越重要，因为许多人觉得它更方便。然而，关于这个问题的意见可能会有所不同。一方面，有些人认为在实体市场购物更有意义，因为它带来了社交互动和感官体验。另一方面，其他人发现在线购物更为愉快，因为它提供了丰富的选择，并节省时间。

我认为，在线购物因其便利性和时间效率确实更有意义。然而，我们不应该忽视传统购物的优势。的确，在市场购物提供了独特的体验，例如直接与产品和人互动，这可以相当愉快。

这个修改版本旨在改善连贯性并提供更清晰的论证，同时解决语法和结构错误。通过这些修改，文章可能会达到第二档 (19-24分) 的评分。

陶果果 发表于 2025-10-24 15:55
This essay falls into the **third档 (13-18分)**. Here's the analysis and the suggested improvements: ...

中文

admin 发表于 2025-10-24 15:55
陶果果 发表于 2025-10-24 15:55
This essay falls in ...

这篇作文得分属于**第三档 (13-18分)**，以下是分析和建议：

**内容和结构：**
1. 作文基本上讨论了在线购物与传统购物的主题。
2. 提供了两种观点，但缺乏详细的解释或例子来支持这些观点。
3. 结论过于简短且有些矛盾，因为在没有明确理由的情况下切换了观点。

**语言运用：**
1. **语法和句子结构错误：**
   - "andmore important" 应为 "and more important"。
   - "views on that may difer from one to anotherFaced with it" 应为 "views on that may differ from one person to another. Faced with it"。
   - "Online Shopping aremore enjoyable" 应为 "Online Shopping is more enjoyable"（主谓一致问题）。
   - "As far as l am concerned, l agree" 应为 "As far as I am concerned, I agree"（'I'的大写错误）。

2. **重复表达和缺乏变化：**
   - 使用了 "On the one hand" 和 "On the other hand" 的短语，但没有有效地进行对比。
   - 多次使用 "more meaningful" 和 "more enjoyable" 而未解释原因，降低了表达效果。

3. **改进建议：**
   - 提供在线购物为何被认为更有意义或方便的例子或理由。
   - 解释为什么市场购物会被视为愉悦或有意义，且提供具体细节。
   - 清晰地在观点间转换，确保个人意见与所提出的论点逻辑连贯。

**修改后的版本：**

随着国家经济的快速增长，在线购物在我们的日常生活中变得越来越重要，因为许多人发现它更方便。然而，围绕这个问题的观点可能会有所不同。一方面，有些人认为在实体市场购物更有意义，因为它提供了社交互动和感官体验。另一方面，其他人发现在线购物更为愉快，因为它不仅提供了丰富的选择，还节省时间。

我认为，在线购物因其便利性和时间效率确实更有意义。然而，我们不应忽视传统购物的优势。的确，在市场购物能提供独特的体验，例如直接与产品和人互动，这样的过程非常令人愉悦。

通过这些修改，该文章有望达到第二档 (19-24分) 的评分。