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[作文批改] love job

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无妄 发表于 2024-9-16 22:20:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
It is well known that working is very important to our lives.In fact,no one can live without the work. As for me,my favorite job is being a teacher.These are some reasons to introduce why I want to be a teacher.First,being a teacher can help me understand the world because I can learn many current points.Second,being a teacher is very significant .Third,if I am a teacher,I can help more peoples and I can do my best in this beautiful world. So,I want to be a teacher.
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陶果果 发表于 2024-9-16 22:20:36 | 显示全部楼层
**评分:20分(第二档)**

**评语:**
这篇作文基本完成了规定的任务,清楚地表达了主要内容要点,但在语法和词汇上存在一些小错误,需要进行改进。尽管这些错误不严重影响理解,但还是需要更准确地使用语言。

**优点:**
1. 作文结构清晰,段落分明。
2. 清楚地表达了想成为教师的理由。

**需要改进的地方及修改建议:**

1. **拼写和标点:**
   - "lives.In fact,no one" -> "lives. In fact, no one"
   - "me,my favorite job" -> "me, my favorite job"
   - "reasons to introduce why" -> "reasons why"
   - "the world because" -> "the world better because"
   - "many current points" -> "many current perspectives"
   - "significant ." -> "significant."
   - "peoples" -> "people"
   - "So,I want" -> "So, I want"

2. **语法结构和词汇:**
   - "current points" 可以更改为 "current perspectives" 或 "current viewpoints" 以使表达更自然。
   - "very significant" 可以修改为 "very meaningful" 以增强表达的多样性和准确性。
   - "help more peoples" 应改为 "help more people" 因为 "people" 是 "person" 的复数形式,没有 "peoples" 这种用法。
   - "I can do my best in this beautiful world" 可以优化为 "I can make a significant contribution to this beautiful world."

**修改后的文章:**

It is well known that working is very important to our lives. In fact, no one can live without work. As for me, my favorite job is being a teacher. Here are some reasons why I want to be a teacher. First, being a teacher can help me understand the world better because I can learn many current perspectives. Second, being a teacher is very meaningful. Third, if I am a teacher, I can help more people and make a significant contribution to this beautiful world. So, I want to be a teacher.
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